


scars come with living (healing comes with loving)

by stevebuckiest



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Anal Sex, Barebacking, Bottom Steve Rogers, Boys In Love, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Smut, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, M/M, Naked Cuddling, Pillow Talk, Scars, Smoking, Top Bucky Barnes, True Love, War Veteran Bucky Barnes, an emotional round two!, as always, not sure what au this is but as usual they are in love, soft as usual
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-16
Updated: 2020-07-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 05:26:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25299103
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/stevebuckiest/pseuds/stevebuckiest
Summary: “Do you have any scars?”The question comes out of nowhere, asked so quietly that for a moment, Bucky thinks he’s slipped past the area of dozing into full slumber. But when he looks up sleepily, he’s met with a questioning gaze from Steve, who’s still stroking his fingers against Bucky’s neck. He’s barely visible in the darkness of the room, only light besides the moonlight coming off the glowing cherry of the cigarette he’s been smoking. Bucky reaches a hand up and motions for Steve to hand it to him, drawing in a lungful and exhaling before answering.“You’re tellin’ me after what we just did, you don’t think you’re pretty well acquainted with my body?”(alternatively, post coital softness and an emotional round two)
Relationships: James "Bucky" Barnes/Steve Rogers
Comments: 10
Kudos: 197





	scars come with living (healing comes with loving)

**Author's Note:**

> this is short, i know, but i hope you enjoy regardless!!! tw for implied self harm on steve's end.

“Do you have any scars?”

The question comes out of nowhere, asked so quietly that for a moment, Bucky thinks he’s slipped past the area of dozing into full slumber. But when he looks up sleepily, he’s met with a questioning gaze from Steve, who’s still stroking his fingers against Bucky’s neck. He’s barely visible in the darkness of the room, only light besides the moonlight coming off the glowing cherry of the cigarette he’s been smoking. Bucky reaches a hand up and motions for Steve to hand it to him, drawing in a lungful and exhaling before answering.

“You’re tellin’ me after what we just did, you don’t think you’re pretty well acquainted with my body?” He’s half joking, half avoiding the question, and Steve frowns a bit at it. He doesn’t press it, but Bucky can’t stand to see the kicked puppy expression on his face. “Everyone has scars,” he says simply. He’s being honest. That’s what it is, after all. The truth. Just maybe not _his_ truth.

Steve doesn’t reply for a moment, just rolls onto his stomach and presses his face into the crook of Bucky’s neck while Bucky takes in another drag of smoke and rubs a hand down his back. “I got scars,” he says drowsily. His voice is hesitant, but he continues on quietly, speaking into the secret space between Bucky’s skin and their shared pillow. “I got in a lot of fights when I was younger… had a couple of surgeries too for the health problems.” He knows that Bucky already knows this since some of his health issues still effect him today (he’s had to cuddle Steve through chronic pain episodes enough times), but he’s trying to make him more comfortable about talking. Bucky smiles at the attempt, impossibly fond of the man clinging onto him. He’s got the biggest heart of anyone Bucky has ever met, and Bucky loves him more every day for it.

“Get in a lot of fights now that you’re older, too,” he murmurs back affectionately. He stubs out their cigarette in the ashtray on the nightstand and abandons it in favor of rolling on his side and tangling himself into a tight embrace with his boyfriend. They’re face to face now, so Bucky can see Steve’s nose crinkle up at the comment. He leans in and kisses it. “I do have scars,” he says afterwards. Gently, but for Steve’s benefit or his own, he’s not sure. “Not all of them are the good kind. I just don’t wanna tell you about something you don’t wanna hear, especially when there’s not much you can do about it..”

Steve looks stricken at the thought, and his voice is strangely fierce when he speaks again. “Not all mine are good, either, Buck.” Bucky knows this is true. There are reasons for Steve’s aversion to letting Bucky touch the bare skin of his hips that they haven’t discussed. Bucky has never been sure how to approach the subject. “You don’t have to tell me any stories, or anything,” Steve adds on quietly. “Just wanna- just wanna know your body best I can. That’s all.” He nuzzles his face back into his chosen safe space, pressed up against Bucky’s neck where his eyelashes tickle Bucky’s skin.

Bucky pauses for a second, just enjoying the warmth of Steve’s skin against his own. He enjoys these moments more than almost anything. The intimacy of sex is amazing, sure, but this right here? He’d go as far to say it’s more precious. Because they’ve both chosen to stay, even after everything is said and done. He guesses that’s why he’s hesitant to answer Steve’s question, not wanting to ruin the quiet little intimacy they’ve both found in each other tonight. But at the same time, maybe this is the best place to bare everything like this, figuratively after metaphorically. He has to take a deep breath and press a long kiss to Steve’s neck before he can find it in him to answer.

“I only have a couple, really. Surprising for a vet, I know. Bullet wound on my thigh. Couple of knife marks on my back. Pretty nasty burn on my left shoulder, but I know you’ve felt that one,” he whispers. Steve peeks at him from his shoulder and Bucky gives him a warm smile to let him know he’s not anywhere near being upset. “What about you, baby? And big ones you want me to know about?” Fair is fair, after all.

Steve hugs onto him tighter, and for a moment Bucky thinks he’s made a mistake, but Steve only rolls on his back and tugs Bucky to lay on top of him like a security blanket. Maybe that’s kind of what the point is. Once he’s settled back against the mattress, trapped between the sheets and Bucky’s bulk, Steve speaks again. “I know you’ve felt my hips,” Steve says softly, a little bit sadly. Bucky kisses his collarbone, not wanting to interrupt, but still wanting to offer comfort nonetheless. Steve smiles slightly at the gesture before going on. “I don’t think there’s much to wonder about those, but I have another one on my chest. Heart surgery when I was sixteen. I know you’ve seen that one too…” he trails off and Bucky hates the insecurity that creeps into his voice.

“Hey,” Bucky says. He looks at him intensely, not wanting any room for doubt. “You’re beautiful, you know that? Always have been, I bet. And you always will be to me. Most beautiful person I know.” He captures the blonde’s lips in a heavy kiss to seal off his point. It distracts Steve from answering for a moment, a needy noise coming from his throat, hands burying themselves into Bucky’s hair while his legs spread and come around Bucky’s back to tug him closer.

He breaks the kiss with a wet gasp. Bucky lets out a low chuckle, noising at his jawline and planting open mouthed kisses to the skin. “Sweet talker,” Steve breathes, craning his neck back further so Bucky can begin to mark him up. “How’s that song go?” Bucky just makes a noncommittal noise and continues kissing Steve’s neck until he realizes- is Steve humming _John Legend?_ Bucky pulls back and squints. He definitely is.

When Steve sees that Bucky has stopped to watch him, he just gives him a loose smile and keeps going. Bucky can’t help but smile back, unashamedly sappy. “Cheesy fucker,” he says without heat. Steve just laughs and pulls Bucky back up to kiss him again.

He does, gladly, moaning into it when Steve pulls him forward with his legs so that his dick is pushing more insistently against Steve’s ass. Neither of them had bothered putting on clothes after their last round, not with how hot the summer air has made the room, so they both get worked up pretty quick. Bucky might not be a teenager anymore, but god _damn_ if the sweet sensation of the curve of Steve’s ass cheeks hugging around his cock doesn’t get him ready to go again faster than anything. Steve’s not far behind from the sounds he’s letting out, groaning particularly loud when Bucky’s head catches on the rim of his still stretched hole as he rocks forward. He’s always easy for it when Bucky loves on him down there, and this time looks to be no different with how quick his legs fall open even wider.

Steve breaks away from the kiss and lets his head fall back against the pillow. The room is already hot enough to begin with, added friction and body heat making them both sweat. With Steve’s head angled like that, the shine of it on his neck is tempting enough for Bucky to lean forward and lick it off, tongue lapping over the cord of Steve’s neck while the blonde moans underneath him and pushes at his shoulder.

“Buck,” he groans, huffing when Bucky doesn’t answer past a questioning hum into his skin, too busy doing his best to suck a mark into Steve’s easily bruised skin. He likes the way they turn dark, loves pressing on them with light fingertips afterwards and during the days they start fading, but as much as Bucky wants to keep going- Steve doesn’t seem to be having it. “Buck, c’mon, gotta get the lube.” He’s trying to sound commanding, but his voice ends up coming out so whiny that Bucky can’t help but chuckle as he pulls back, eyes catching briefly on his work against Steve’s neck before settling on his pouting face.

“Lube? What for, baby, you already want me to fuck you again?” he teases, grinding his hips forward again so that Steve’s breath hitches when he rolls his eyes. “We just got done half an hour ago, Stevie, you need it that much?”

Steve scowls and shoves Bucky’s shoulder again until he pulls back with a laugh and gives him a fake dirty look while he reaches over and grabs the previously discarded lube from the nightstand. “Like you don’t want the same thing. I can feel your dick against my ass, you know,” he grumbles, handing the lube to Bucky and flopping back on the pillow with a huff. “’Sides, you’re the one that started it with all that sweet talk.”

Bucky snorts and flicks the cap of the lube open with his thumb. “You’re the one who kissed me first,” he retorts, but Steve only hums and brings his knees up higher, spreading himself open for Bucky and giving him a lazy smile. “What, you expect me to do all the work?”

“Aren’t you gonna make love to me?” Steve shoots back, and although his voice is dripping with teasing sarcasm, Bucky can feel his eyes soften at the words.

It always hits him like a sucker punch, being reminded that Steve loves him and that he’s happy to have Bucky love him back. They’ve been through a lot, the two of them, but Bucky is glad to have gone through every moment of it if it’s what landed him here in bed with the man of his dreams. So- no matter how cheesy the phrase is or how dry Steve’s tone was saying it, he leans down and presses a kiss to Steve’s lips, soft and sweet.

“Yeah, sunshine, I am,” he murmurs after, pulling back. Steve’s expression has gone just as sappy as his has, teasing banter from moments ago nowhere to be seen when he takes the lube from Bucky to help him drizzle it on his fingers while the man on top of him stays propped up on his other arm. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome, Buck,” Steve replies softly. Bucky reaches down his lubed-up fingers towards Steve’s entrance and seems to realize for the first time that Steve hadn’t grabbed a condom. They don’t go without one often, had used one earlier, but when Bucky looks up to question Steve about it the blonde just nods, face heating up. “Wanna feel you in me after,” he says shyly, and Bucky groans.

“God, baby, you tryin’ to kill me?” he whispers, leaning down to kiss him again, this time lowering his fingers and pressing the tip of one inside at the same time he starts licking possessively into Steve’s mouth. He’s still open enough from earlier so that Bucky can slide a second one in almost immediately, going through the motions of stretching him in record time. He bites at Steve’s lower lip once he’s close to being done, three fingers twisting in deep before he pulls back the slightest amount to speak lowly into Steve’s space. “Ready for me to fuck you, baby? Get my cock back in that snug little hole, slide in ‘til I’m home?”

Steve groans as Bucky rubs the bare head of his dick against his entrance, ankles crossing behind his back in an attempt to pull him closer. Then, voice oddly thick for their circumstance, “Always want to be your home, Buck,” he whispers, looking up at Bucky with eyes that shine in the moonlight, tears getting his lashes as wet as the tip of his aching dick between them. Bucky’s heart feels like it’s in his throat as soon as Steve’s words register, but for the life of him he can’t think of a thing to say that would get across the amount of things he’s feeling right now- luckily, Steve solves that problem for him, smiling in understanding and settling back further onto the pillows. “C’mon, Buck. You’ve got a promise to keep, remember? Said you were gonna fuck me.”

It takes a second and a hard swallow for Bucky to be able to speak again after their brief emotional interlude, but he manages to get out a grin and a hoarse tease as he positions himself to slide into Steve’s waiting hole. “No, babydoll,” he says lowly, hand coming up to brush at Steve’s sweaty hairline and swipe at his still damp lower lashes. “Said I was gonna make love to you.” And on that (admittedly sappy) note, he shifts himself forward and presses down on top of Steve until his cock is fucking right back into him like he had never left his body, the slide of their skin and sound of Steve moaning the same as before, but somehow this time even sweeter.

Bucky’s always considered himself somewhat of a hopeless romantic, so while he’s not sure what makes this feel so special, he thinks it might be a combination of a lot of things- their earlier sex, happy and hot, staying tangled together afterwards even though it left them sweating. The quiet conversation Steve sparked about scars and wanting to know each others’ bodies in every way. And (although it’s unbearably cliche), the way the moonlight looks shining on Steve’s face through the window right now, the dim glow of it reflecting in those pretty blue eyes and sculpted of his, beauty of it making Bucky’s arms feel like they’ve gone weak as he braces down on them to start thrusting slowly into Steve.

No matter the reason behind it, the overwhelming intimacy of this moment is all Bucky can think about, especially when Steve loops his arms up around his neck to make them meet in a slow, messy kiss that leaves him whimpering into it while Bucky starts speeding up his movements.

He lets out a wounded little whine when Bucky nails his prostate the first time this round, legs drawing him in tighter. “Buck,” he whispers out, voice raspy, wavering as Bucky hits his sweet spot again. “Bucky- fuck, I love you. Love you so much.”

Bucky grunts, hips driving forward. “Love you right back, sunshine,” he promises breathlessly, one hand coming up to pull one of Steve’s away from his neck and bring it around to rest on his shoulder instead. Right on top of the scar he had mentioned earlier, Steve’s fingers curling against the rough pattern of the burned skin and eyes going wide at the trusting gesture. He’s never really liked having Steve pay much mind to the mark, let alone intentionally brought his attention and touch to it.

But now feels like more of a right time than ever- for both of them, so steeling his breath and keeping his hips moving steady, he brings his lifted hand back down and rests it between them. Right on top of Steve’s surgery scar, the both of them tethered together in the most vulnerable parts of themselves.

Steve lets out a noise akin to a sob at the touch of Bucky’s hand against his chest, tears he’d had shining in his eyes earlier finally falling. “Buck-“ he tries, voice cracking, but Bucky just quiets him with a kiss. He doesn’t need to say a word- Bucky knows. He’s feeling it too, just as strong.

They don’t have to say anything the rest of the time, it turns out, too caught up in the feeling of each others’ bodies to need to speak- Steve’s tears shining just as pretty as his eyes are, noises growing higher and higher as Bucky fucks into him faster, need to come inside and claim him only raising with his noises the more that Steve clutches at his shoulder and cries out for him. It doesn’t take long for him to get there- everything is heightened, the grip of Steve’s hole around him, the emotions running through him- when he comes, it’s just as intense, groan deep and long as he grinds forward a final time and spills his release inside Steve’s clenching hole.

Steve cries out when he feels Bucky fill him up, and even as the rush of his orgasm is still making its way through him, Bucky manages to drag his hand down from Steve’s chest to wrap it around his cock to jerk him off. He keeps the motions quick and tight, grunting when Steve comes as well, hole tightening down again around Bucky’s now sensitive cock and milking him through the last of his orgasm while his hand does the same for Steve.

They’re both breathless and panting by the time it’s all finally over, Bucky collapsing forward on top of Steve with a groan even though the movement makes Steve’s release smear between them. He’s tired, and he knows Steve likes being pinned down, anyways. Makes him feel secure. Close to Bucky. So Bucky doesn’t hesitate to snuggle up close, soft cock still safe inside him. It’s hot and they’re both overheated and sticky- but the soft sigh Steve lets out at the kiss Bucky presses to his chest right above the top of his scar makes any discomfort worth it.

They’re both quiet for a few minutes after their breath finally settles, Steve burying his head into Bucky’s neck and inhaling deeply before he finally speaks into the still silence of haze that’s settled around them. “Love you so much,” he repeats sleepily, head nudging over to brush his lils clumsily over Bucky’s scar, and Bucky’s heart aches with how much he feels it in return.

It doesn’t feel like enough, but he closes his eyes, putting off the inevitable obligation for him to pull out of Steve and clean them both up in favor of letting them both have this peaceful, dreamlike moment. “Love you back, sunshine,” he says again, completely aware that they’ve said the same thing two times in a row with nothing in between.

When it comes down to it, he doesn’t think there’s much else that needs to be said.

**Author's Note:**

> this was very sappy...i know, but i can't apologize <3 comments and kudos are very very appreciated!


End file.
